Not Beating Myself Up

So, it's been longer than a week since my last (and really my first!) post, but the theme of this post is that I'm just not going to beat myself up over it. ...and really, this is a philosophy/motto that I'm going to try to live by; HOWEVER, I DO want to learn from those things that would I would beaten myself for doing.

For instance, I've started a lifestyle change of eating right and exercising. As with anything in life, I've had my setbacks: this first week, I made rice crispy treats for a church meeting (& was sent home with half a casserole dish), and proceeded to eat 3 treats that day (2 that one evening & one the next day). However, I could have eaten the entire half bestowed to me, but I didn't!!! In the past, I would have thrown my hands up and said, "I just can't do this diet thing," given up, and gone about beating myself up for not only being a failure to resist a stinkin' treat, but for quitting this lifestyle change, too. --not anymore. I've come to realize that we ALL make mistakes, and that as long as I learn from it and act on the lessons that have blessed my life, I'll be okay. Really. Praise the Lord.

Along the same line of this lifestyle change is the exercising aspect. I last worked out on Friday (2 days ago), and just didn't make time to exercise Saturday. Well, this program I'm following calls for 6 days of exercise & the 7th day is a day of rest; aka: FREE (from eating healthy food & exercising). Well, looking over my "mini black notebook of accountability," I just decided that today during Owen's nap & Mya's quiet time, that I'll be working out to the "FitTV" Channel for my scheduled 20 minutes of aerobic activity that I missed yesterday, and swap my free day! :)

Second guessing myself & the dwelling on the poor decisions I've made has not only brought me down; doing so has kept me from living my fullest life--for me, my kids, my husband, and for anyone that I happen to meet along the way. Living this way will take practice, until it becomes habit--and ultimately the way I just live. Until I get to that point, I know that each day will be a struggle:
-to keep a positive attitude with the kids & their quirky/funny/silly ways--CHERISHING them because they ARE gifts.
-to REMEMBER to call/email/send birthday cards to folks,
-to wake up at least 2 hours before the kids & to NOT stay up until midnight the night before!
-to balance being wife, mom (which includes but isn't limited to: maid, chef, landscaper, storyteller, chauffeur, nurse, athletic/outdoor activities coordinator, etc.), friend, student, aunt, sister, daughter, an apprentice to Christ's ministry, painter, singer, (*insert other known role here*)

While these are all daily struggles, I have to have the mindset of keeping God & Christ in the forefront of my decisions. Would He/THEY beat me up over not fulfilling each of these duties all the time? No. Yet, He/They would expect me to pick myself up, learn & move on from the experience.

I'm making this commitment to not beating myself up. Will you do the same? :)

Will this be an open book/open notes test???

So, here it is. Me getting ready to journal about my daily adventures in parenting, wife-hood, & finding out who I am and what I was really put on this earth to do...

I'll start off by saying that the past 24 hours have taken me through quite the gamut of emotions regarding my previous stated purpose and trying to decipher what God is telling me through His Holy Spirit. I'm closer to finding peace than I thought I would be.

I went from having a less-than-desirable discussion with my far-away hubs (which left me suffocating in anxiety about the fall & spring) to less than a day later, remembering why this man was chosen to be my husband & why I am SO grateful to God for knowing what He is doing!!! Jason IS my best friend & I need to remember that all I have to do is speak from my heart; and that he (like me!), too, is human and needs time to reflect on new challenges, as I do. He knows there is so much more in me than meets the eye and I love him for so many reasons, but especially because of how he wants me to reach that elusive potential of mine! (I HATED those words on my progress reports in school that would say, "Rhiannon/Roni has GREAT potential," because it reminded me of science and of potential vs. kinetic energy. The example in my head was of a boulder on a cliff had "potential" energy, but didn't DO anything! Ugh! Those comments were nails on a chalkboard and still are [obviously!])

Neither one of us is perfect. In fact, there is only one who is perfect. I remember this from a Bible study a year ago and it helped me view the relationships I had with folks in such a new way. So, keeping that at the forefront of my daily interactions, I hope to share my experience and whatever tokens of wisdom I have while learning from the experience and wisdom of others--including my husband & children. Mya's observations can be so PROFOUND and just put me on the right track!

One more thing I need to realize and act on; that everyone in my life (in the past and presently) has been put here for a VERY specific purpose, too, and will be helping with different lessons that I need to learn. Here's to (or at least coming close) to acing the cumulative exam!